Discovering Some New Background:
All through my childhood, I felt slightly a bit different. Not because I was half European and half Asian. The only explanation left to me was that I must have been adopted.
At first I thought it was my imagination. I felt different from my younger sisters in quite a few ways. Mum and Dad acted in a strange and a closed manner each time I brought up that I wanted to do a family tree. I asked all sorts of questions about the past, but I always got, “not now”, “later” or “Jeffrey do something !”. I was positive that they were hiding something, but I never made a fuss. I was never sure why.
I believed, while being an obedient daughter, there had to be some good reason for all the cloak and dagger atmosphere. Each time I raised an awkward question, it was greeted with silence or change of subject. In later years, when I was 16 years old, I had to produce a birth certificate to get a provisional passport for a school skiing trip to Italy in 1976. When I got to see my certificate, I noticed that it had been notarized in 1964, which was 4 years after my birth!
I asked why it took so long for them to register their first born child. That was when Mum made the painful decision to tell me that she and Dad had not been married at the time I was born. For an extremely proud woman of that era, that must have been a very difficult and huge thing to admit to. I really thought she was going to tell me that I had been adopted. However, it still never satisfied my curiosity.
About Chuck:
I saw my parents differently after that eye-opener. Not resentment, but I suddenly realized that, I hadn’t been all that crazy and that I hadn’t imagined feeling strange after all. Actually, it came as a bit of relief.
I was able to carry on and felt as though a cloud had been partly lifted. Many decades later, in January 2007, I passed through London and met with my youngest sister, Vivian. She got emotional and struggled to find the words to tell me the truth. She and Susan had accidentally discovered information about me the previous year, that Dad was not my biological father.
A couple of months later, I discovered that Chuck (an American Marine) had met Mum in 1957 and they dated for a couple of years. In November 1959, Mum fell pregnant with me. Chuck was suddenly deployed out of Indonesia. Although I had my suspicions since Mum’s admission back in 1976, even more after my chat with Vivian, I kept quiet and never raised the subject. My thoughts niggled and I eventually had to face up the truth.
Vivian was obviously distressed, so I told her that I had an idea that was the “secret”. She told me it took her and Susan so long to tell me because they didn’t know how to, especially, as I hadn’t seen them too often when I had moved and got married in Spain . I understood. If our roles had been reversed, how would I have acted? Tricky question. We will never know …….
Discovering Chuck:
Needless to say, when I got back to Spain from my holiday, I had to talk to someone. Mum had passed away in England, from Stomache cancer in January 2001, and Dad had passed from a sudden heart attack at the end of August 2005. I felt that I had nobody else to contact but to call Mum’s older sister, my godmother (Aunt Sien), in Scotland.
My first question was that if she knew, who was the man who ran out on my Mum all those years ago. Aunt Sien was very charming and calmly said, “don’t be like that Lindy”. She went onto explain that Mum and Charles (Chuck) had been very much in love, but circumstances separated them in November 1959.
Mum met Jeffrey soon after. Jeffrey fell for my Mother, even though she was mid-term pregnant with someone else`s child, and told her that whatever sex the child turned out to be, he would treat it as his first born. He certainly had, never said a thing, after Mum passed away and took her secret to his grave in 2005. What a marvelous man. He always had been “Dad” to me.
Dad moved over to Spain in 2001, shortly after Mum passed away. I ended up with his belongings when he also passed 4 years later. After my phone conversations with Vivian, naturally Susan (my other sister) and Aunt Sien, I started going through Dad’s possessions, which I couldn’t bear to touch before.
I came across Mum’s old black handbag. It was quite an emotional few moments. In it were a few bits, pieces and photos but I eventually came across an envelope with date stamp from San Francisco, USA in 1961 from a Sgt. C E Byers. It was dated one year after my birth! So Aunt Sien’s story must have been true. The name matched! Unfortunately the envelope was empty but that indicated to me that Chuck had been interested enough to write after my birth. I just had to find out more, but how?
Geneology Search:
In a nutshell, I managed to trace Chuck through a USA Military website, that linked me to a German geneology specialist. Through this woman, I got information that she had traced him within a month! Through emails to her, I was able to send a message to Chuck via Germany, introducing myself. I told him that I didn’t want to cause pain, any problem with his family, but would he be willing to fill in the gaps that I suddenly found in my life. I also enclosed a copy of an old photo of when he dated Mum, which had been kindly supplied by Aunt Sien. I also included a fairly up to date photo of Colin and me, in case he was interested to know what I looked like. My German genealogist immediately got a reply and passed on his details to me. So that was the beginning of how Chuck and I got to know each other from June 2007.
I was pleased that we shared stories and stayed in contact since. He has two other daughters, Joyce and Sandra, the same age as Susan and Vivian. That made me the eldest of 5 sisters!
Joyce and Sandra were amazing and each generously welcomed me into the family. That was really nice, but I felt a little identity crisis creeping up for a while.
I no longer was Euro-Asian (half European and half Asian), but suddenly became Amer-Asian (half American and half Asian). I was no longer a full sister but had 4 younger half sisters, two from each Mum and Chuck. Mum was catholic but I grew up protestant because of Dad and my younger 2 sisters had been Church of England. Chuck was catholic, so what did that make me? Very confused! Anyway, Chuck and I developed a good long distance relationship by email. We even met once, when he flew over to Spain to meet me in person for 3 days in September of 2007. After all, it wasn’t his fault that we never had a connection before.
PLEASE SKIP TO THE NEXT PART 2 OF BLOG: When I became ill ……… Please click on the following link: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/my-unexpected-stroke/
PERSONAL DETAILS LINKS BELOW:
Reason for my Blog: My reasons for creating this blog has been to be of help to anyone anxious, frightened and frustrated with their recovery. For more dtails, please click the following link: HERE
Why Me? Positive Attitude to Recovery: No point in worrying about “Why Me” Syndrome. You need a positive attitude to your road to recovery. For more details, please click the following link: HERE
My Background: Just a little bit about me. For more details, please click the following link: HERE