16. Mobile, Pains & Back in Normal Clothes

Practise Makes No Where Near Perfect

More Baby Steps: Since I discovered my new found mobility, I tried even harder to do a few more steps at a time and to improve my balance.  Afraid my efforts hadn’t been very good, however, I felt more and more encouraged with every additional baby step though  I was only able to accomplish some more steps than a few days ago, but still lost my balance and ended grabbing Colin or Della to stop me from falling.  Although I still had to be in the wheelchair for most of the time, I wanted to prove that I could work towards getting around independently . 

I began to drag myself from one place to another, by grasping onto walls, pieces of furniture at hand and inch myself along.   although it was very awkward, I felt really pleased with myself. In the middle of the night, I actually managed to get from my bed the short distance along the dining room and ended up in the kitchen.  It wasn’t easy because I had to grab onto anything stable that kept me upright.  I honestly thought that I would fall over, but I  reckoned that it would have served me right for attempting such a thing without supervision.  I grew tired when my every move had been monitored or questioned, so I genuinely wanted to “surprise” Colin and Della that I could move without any help.  However, it was a pretty foolish idea!

Midnight Snack Shuffles: I had attacks of the “raving munchies” during the early hours. In order not to disturb Colin’s sleep, I achieved a few sneaky trips on my own. However, he knew when he eventually found the evidence of my little jaunts from the empty yoghurt bottles, apple cores, cheese wrappers and broken biscuits on the bedside table or in the bed, the following morning.  I was royally admonished and told that I was,  “a Naughty Girl”. What if I had an accident?  What if I had come to harm?  I never thought of these things. I was so keen to prove that I actually was capable of moving from one place to another under my own steam.  If I hadn’t tried, I couldn’t say, “I couldn’t”. 

My First Little Jaunt: On my first attempt, I had dragged myself from my bed, into the dining room and fumbled my way to the kitchen area.  I had to hold onto furniture and walls with my good hand, while I got my balance to eventually reach the kitchen.  It was slow, a bit painful and tiring, but when I got there, I felt such a rush. I struggled to stay balanced by hanging onto the kitchen counter with my bad hand, while I opened the fridge door with my good hand. Then I spied the lovely treats inside.  Unfortunately, when I worked my way back to bed, it turned out a bit more complicated.  I needed my good hand to hang onto whatever was available and my bad left to hold onto my treasures as well as also trying to keep my balance.

At times, I had to resort to cupping a yoghurt drink or treat under my bad arm, while I slowly and gradually made my way back to bed.  On a few nights, I tried to hold an apple in my bad hand, but it proved to be very maddening.  Sometimes when I got half-way back toward my bed, my hand lost the strength to hold onto the fruit, and it fell onto the floor under the dining table.  As it was completely out of reach, I had to turn back and start all over again!  On the occasions I had been successful, I felt such a sense of achievement as I lay back in bed with satisfaction and knew that I had tasted a bit of freedom and more independence.

Subsequent Sneaky Trips: Nevertheless, although Colin had been pleased that I tried, I think I must have really tried his patience on this subject. He said that I had been acting like a “Naughty Girl” who wouldn’t behave.

When I went to the W.C. at night, I had a problem when sometimes I wasn’t able to make it there in time! This had been due to my slowness and lack of body control. It had been highly embarrassing, but it reminded me of my limitations and why I had to keep wearing diapers for a bit longer. Sorry, but I just had to keep trying. The poor man had no idea if I had gone to sleep, stayed in bed, gone off on a “trek” or would end up injured on the floor ….

Back in Normal Clothes – 17^th March

Although I had not been in full control, I became more confident to stop wearing diapers and got back to wearing my normal clothes.  That day I had stopped wearing Colin’s baggy T-shirts and actually put on my own knickers, slacks and a top.  It felt wonderful to be back into my own clothes and shared that moment on social media with friends.  I mentioned that it felt great to be back to wearing my own knickers and stuff.  I had some lovely feed back, but one friend jokingly posted, “makes a change from Colin wearing them!”  Hee, hee ……

Aches and Pains: I’d been really happy when I was able to move a bit better, but I began to experience some unexpected horrible side effects.  I developed some uncontrollable and painful spasms at night.  If I adjusted my sleeping position, my left arm and left leg suddenly froze, stretched out, shake about in a frenzy, almost like a bad attack of cramp.  These sessions only lasted a minute or so, but were very unpleasant. 

Colin was lovely because he continued to stroke me, to sooth the pain away. However, no matter what he had done, nothing stopped the new sensations from taking over during the night.  I took painkillers, as the attacks became a regular nightly torment.  Apparently, this was a good sign that my muscles had begun to “wake up”, or as Colin had referred to as“rebooting”. It supposedly was a good indication of improvement.  I knew it was a positive sign, but I wished that there had been a way to make the pain go away.  On some nights, it became so excruciating that I was almost reduced to tears.  Whenever Colin & Della saw me grimacing or grinding my teeth, they asked if I was in pain. I confirmed with a “yes” through gritted teeth, or with a silent nod, and they jokingly responded with a “good”.  Charming!  It had been their method of keeping me in fighting mode and stay on track to focus on improving.  Nevertheless, I constantly prayed that the agony would end.  It never did.  Unfortunately, it became a nightly ritual and at odd times during the day as well. ……

Colin My Personal Master Chef: Colin had really excelled himself in the kitchen.  He got round to mastering various different soups but his best had been the French onion.  He still presented me with a variety of different fruit smoothies each morning. One of my new favourites dishes became grilled fresh salmon steaks.  My tastes had definitely changed, as I had never liked fresh salmon all that much before. I ate his with gusto! 

Colin had also noticed my change in eating habits, especially when he witnessed the remnants of apple, bare grape stalks and orange peels from my nightly escapades.  I never used to eat so much, let alone fruit before. He became quite pleased when he saw that I ate heartily and more healthy.   

Apart from the healthy food, I also unfortunately developed a taste of sweet things like,“Chupa Chups” (flavoured caramel candies, as we called “lollies” in England, or as the Americans called “popscicles”) and chocolate treats.  Della treated me to a few times on the side, but I hadn’t cared that I’d gained weight.  I enjoyed eating something delicious.  I convinced myself that I would worry about it later, when / if I could get back to playing golf and walk the course again. Who was I kidding? However, I considered that I soon had to invest in some “Bridget Jones” knickers, if I carried on eating at that rate.

Sunday Lunch with friends- 24^th March

I felt a bit “Stir Crazy” at home all the time, so Colin & I arranged to meet our friends for Sunday Lunch at the Robin Hood.  I didn’t want to be wheeled in the chair, so I held onto Colin, as we gradually joined everyone at the table.  Unfortunately, Colin suffered from a really bad back, so the pair of us must have looked like limping geriatrics to get to the table.  I had joked that I could have beaten him in a race!  Anyway, it was so lovely (without the wheelchair) to be out and have a laugh with friends again.  A magician wandered around the tables to entertain diners.  Such a good idea and I really enjoyed his tricks.  He was so clever and none of us had a clue how he executed them.

Dog House For Drinks: We went onto the Dog house for after lunch drinks.  After a while John and Anisa mentioned that they’d constructed a bar in their new garden and invited all of us to go over.  Everyone agreed, but Colin declined, as he thought I’d enough excitement for the day.  He was right of course.  After everyone left, I felt sad that we couldn’t join them.  Colin and I would have normally joined the gang, and I felt that I’d deprived him of some more fun because of me.  I became a bit emotional and he caught me crying.  When I explained why, he held my hand, wiped my tears away and told me not to be so silly.  However, I still felt that I had held him back and still hadn’t felt any better when we got home.  That was when it had hit me how much our lives had changed.  What happened to me was awful, but it had a massive affect on Colin too …..

Social Contact: Although I had been very slow when trying to type on the keyboard, it felt great to have social interaction with friends, have home visits and phone calls.  When I spoke on the phone was still frustrating, as I still couldn’t talk properly and had to repeat myself several times. 

Laughing: One thing I discovered, I just couldn’t help laughing a lot.  I wasn’t sure if it was being thankful for surviving, had another chance or grateful for everything that I found myself not taking things as seriously as I used to.  Colin told me what happened to me was “a forced vacation”. He was right.  About time I became less stressed, wound down and relaxed a bit more.

Keeping Positive and a Sense of Humour: Whenever I spoke with my sisters on the phone, they marveled how I hadn’t become depressed.  How could I?  I had everything to fight for and had been given a chance to be a better version of the person from before.  I had a hope of improvement, not just physically, but in a lot of other ways.  Why wouldn’t I grab the opportunity?   I gradually learned how to be more patient, although the impatient side of me crept back at times to annoy me when I had simple tasks to do.

Surprise Visit: I had a surprise visit from a girlfriend.  I was “home alone”, in my wheelchair and left to one of the few limited times on my laptop.  The door bell rang, but I was in the wheelchair!  I shouted out, “I’m coming, to let them know I was at home. I dragged myself off the chair, felt along the wall until I reached the front door.   Jayne was shocked.  I felt relieved that she hadn’t given up while I’d kept her waiting at the door.  I clumsily made my way back to the wheelchair and we had a lovely chat, caught up on news and giggled at my daft attempt to greet her at the door.

Della’s Dad, (name drop alert again) Beaky, phoned one afternoon, so Della passed the mobile to me.  Beaky heard that I was improving and getting more movement so, although he was on tour in the UK, he told me that he had a golf tee time the next day at 12.00 noon, challenged me to a game and cheekily offered me 50 shots a hole.  I giggled and told him that I would accept.  At least I could laugh about it …..

On My Bike – 26^th March: Colin and Della decided to step up my exercises to make me tackle Colin’s cycling machine.  I had tried to get rid of that thing for years, as he never used and abandoned it in a corner of my office.  Every time I attempted to get rid of that unsightly contraption, Colin always stepped in and voiced his objections.  I used to sit in the office, stared at it unused, as it gathered dust for so long!  Now Colin and Della made me use that detestable machine!  I wasn’t impressed ….

I had to be helped onto it and was ordered to start cycling.  Not something I relished.  The pedals slowly turned but, to be honest, although it looked good, my right foot had done all the work.  It took a while to convince me to persevere as it became a regular daily thing for me.  Each day Colin and Della would say, “On your bike!”, which I grudgingly attempted. However it meant a session of torture for me.  I hated that thing but I wouldn’t let you know from my video …..

Surprise “Peek a Boo” Greeting – 30^th March: Since the surprise visit from Jayne, I practiced being out of the wheelchair a bit more.  Colin told me off and to slow down.  He was right. I ended up slipping and crashing to the ground on a few occasions, with an “I told you so look” from Colin.  However, nothing could stop me from trying again, inspite of the several bruises.  When Della came to do my nails, I called out to Colin that I would get the door.  The poor girl nearly dropped her box of things when I opened the entrance door on my own without the wheelchair.   I just wanted to show both Colin & Della that I was capable, even though it took me a bit of time and a pretty awkward effort. I actually had done it in the end!

Please view next page 17 at “Walks, No Wheelchair and Socialising”: https://www.rehttps://www.rebootinglinda.com/outside-walks-no-wheel-chair-party-time-and-more-socialising/

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