Tough Love: Inspite of the nightly pains, embarrassing uncontrollable “judders” of my left leg at odd times during the day, I was still pretty excited to carry on with my efforts. Nevertheless, Colin and Della were relentless with getting me up daily. I got out of the wheel chair, done leg and arm exercises and got back on that hateful stationery bike to cycle to no where.
As I’d proven that I slowly was able to move under my own steam. I still had no sympathy from them! I easily tired and battled with my inner self all the time. Although I wanted to give up several times, I had the urge to improve, and gritted my teeth to continue. I had to suffer through Colin and Della’s daily sarcasm and teasing, which only spurred me on even more. We also had a lot of laughs though. Even though I accused them of “cruelty”and heard them telling me that I had been “showing off” whenever I revealed any improvement, I could sincerely say that their “Tough Love” regime should be shared with others. However, at the time, I’d been too occupied with complaining and laughing, while they continued their cheeky meanness towards me.
Decision on My Medical Equipment: Although my mobility was still pretty limited, Colin and I decided that we wanted to continue with renting the hospital equipment a bit longer. The hospital bed rental agreement wasn’t due until the end of the month, so we decided that I should continue to sleep downstairs until I felt more confident about going up and down the stairs regularly. I still had issues with my balance and the ability to lift my left leg up each stair step. The higher we got, the less inclined I wanted to go further. When I looked back behind me, it seemed a heck of a long way to fall down to the bottom. I realized that I would have to repeat the process again to go down the stairs, which became even more scary as I had to constantly look down from a height. I tried ignoring my vertigo with each step down. Poor Colin sweetly continued to be my bedside night companion on the sofa. We told ourselves, just a few more weeks to go ……..
Time to Declutter my Office
It got to me that I had to rely on Lara and Della to fetch and carry my drinks, food and also stuff from the back office. I had difficulty because I had no control or was limited with what needed to be done around the house or office. I began to get paranoid about my files and papers put in the wrong places, or out of order sequence. Colin and Lara discussed what had to be done while I was in bed – which never put my mind at rest.
Documents had been constantly been moved around for to me to check and look over. I also got rather twitchy when I felt that I had no idea that if my stuff were put back in the right places in the office. Whenever they couldn’t find certain things, or the printer / computer wouldn’t suddenly work, I had my wheel chair pushed into the office to oversee what had to be done. I noticed and horrified to see several times that my desk had become unrecognizable, so rather than show that I was upset, I would ask to be returned to my bed for a silent sulk. I was pretty sure that I hadn’t masked my feelings very well, but I couldn’t help the aggravation when I felt I wasn’t able do a darned thing !
Everyone had been really patient with me but it was hard to explain how flustered I felt. Normally, I never voluntarily let people loose in my office, let alone have free access to my computers, files and private stuff. The situation got me really down, but Colin constantly told me to behave and stop worrying about things out of my control. I knew he was right, but I just couldn’t get it out of my mind.
Reclaiming My Office: I decided to claim back some order and declutter my office. The files and paperwork had built up over the past few months and had no apparent logical places to go anymore. I used to know automatically where everything had been, but I suddenly, I had absolutely no idea. That drove me really nuts! Lara and Della patiently brought me each file and documents, as I was able to sift through them gradually and discard a lot of old and new irrelevant stuff. It wasn’t easy as some of the papers and files constantly slid off my lap, the table top or out of my hands onto the floor because of my lack of control in gripping. It was a very laborious and horribly clumsy process, which maddened Colin, as I wasn’t supposed to do anything too complicated for too long. This meant that poor Lara and Della had to regularly pick up the mess from the floor each time and file things away as I requested. I know I’d been obstinate and unwavering to get my office back to normal, but I couldn’t stress enough how really important it was to me. I must have driven everyone crazy …….
Time to Say Goodbye: After a while, Lara had to go back to Fuengirola. She was so good in helping us over the past few weeks, she couldn’t stay with us indefinitely. She had her partner, a young child, her home and her own work routine to get back to. We agreed that, although I’d been pretty clumsy and very slow, I could continue with limited time to operate my computer keyboard with one hand. I would try to stay in touch via internet with regards to looking over any work, designs by her, or by any outside help. I knew that it would be difficult to attempt but I was more than willing to have a go. Before, a normal task that would have taken me an hour, took me 4 – 5 hours to do. Colin reluctantly gave me a small trial period, as long as I rested and wouldn’t push myself like I used to. I had to learn to adapt and swallow my pride to admit that, as I couldn’t function as I used to, I needed help. In addition, whether I liked it or not, I also had to accept that things had drastically changed for both Colin and me at home, work and socially.
Girlie Visit
I had a lovely message from one of my golf buddies, Doreen, from my El Paraiso Golf Club. She messaged me that she and our other golf buddy, Agnete, wanted to come to visit. I felt excited to look forward to a break away from my daily routine. So thoughtful of them. I had forgotten how to socialize, so I actually had a purpose to get dressed properly and prepare to greet outside company at home again .
Golf Fancy Dress Competitions: Doreen, Agnete and I had been members of a team of 4 players with Marie (Pink Flamingo gift a few weeks earlier). We used to play as a team in our annual “Christmas Fancy Dress Golf Competition” against other teams of 4 that were mad enough to get dressed in outrageous outfits and somehow play in them throughout the competition. Each year we would have a theme, normally decided by the Club Lady Captain of each year. It usually took each team weeks, sometimes months, of planning, huddling together in secret, hush hush talks about costumes. It was always mad, insane but ever such good fun. A couple of years before, our team dressed as mice and actually won!
After the competition we all ended up with a lunch together and voted for the best costumes. Our team had been playing together for 4 years, however I had to face up to reality, and knew, that I would have to stand down for somebody else to play in my place this year. The girls were kind and reassuring told me not to be so silly. As far as they were concerned, I was still a member of the team. if I couldn’t play or not in the December event, I still had to be part of the planning team and dress up as the 5th non-playing member on the day. I felt so touched by their generous and considerate offer. At least it gave me another goal to look forward to.
Della was around and kindly offered tea or coffee, in between pottering around the house and joined in our chat from time to time. I had wished Doreen good luck because she was due to take over as Lady Captain in May, so we sneakily discussed the fancy dress theme between the three of us for the following December. I had a relaxed and lovely get together with the girls. It was great to joke around and I felt half normal again. When we said our goodbyes, we promised to stay in touch via messenger. I’d been invited to attend the golf club for lunch with some of the other lady members , if I felt well enough. Yet another positive thing for me to aim for …..
Date Out – 1st April: On my next date with Colin, I was determined not to sit in that wheel chair. I actually became confident enough to ditch it for the afternoon. I had to “toddle” along, while I desperately held onto Colin for support, to enter the Dog House bar. We sat with our friends Susan & Brian, who had often played golf with us in the past. Maria joined us in her wheelchair. Poor thing had been ill again, had a few bad falls and wasn’t very mobile. We discovered that Susan and Brian have been incredible in helping her with medical appointments and helped her learn how to adapt to her new situation. Maria and I previously had been “parked” next to each other, in our matching wheel chairs. On this occasion, it felt pretty strange for me, as I was more mobile and able to sit on the sofa as a normal person. Maria mentioned that, as she had seen me walk, she had been inspired to try to walk again herself. I felt so pleased and wished her good luck with her efforts. I told her that it wouldn’t be easy but the reward in trying would definitely be invaluable.
First Walk About – 2nd April: Della and I began to be a bit more adventurous and decided to allow me to try a few steps out of the house for a walk. It felt really strange, shuffling out of the entrance onto the road outside. I had to hold onto her as I lumbered along step by step until I reached around 500 m, then sat down on a low wall to rest. I felt such relief, until I realized that I had to go through it all again to return home. I felt exhausted, but wonderful, as a satisfied fatigue settled in before my afternoon nap. We continued this daily, until I felt more comfortable to balance on my own. Sometimes, I went a little further until I got to doing 1 km around the block.
Rude Female Driver: On one of our walks, a young woman drew up in her sports car behind us. I felt acutely aware that we were in the way of her passing us. I struggled slowly over to the side bit of the narrow road. I waved my hand in apology, for not moving any quicker to get out of the way. Unfortunately, the woman grew impatient and began to blare on her car horn in a succession of long and loud beeps. Ridiculous! Any normal person could have seen that I’d been in difficulty and incapable of moving any faster! As I kept waving while I tried to move out of the way, I felt embarrassed to say anything. I just wanted it all over as soon as possible, but I began to panic as I wasn’t able to get away fast enough. Della became furious when she saw my distress, stood in the middle of the road to block the woman’s car, while I desperately tried to get to the side of the road. As the woman’s car top had been down, Della shouted, “what’s the matter with you?” and threw her arms in the air in exasperation. The horrible woman threw her head back in laughter as she drove past. Della muttered under her breath, while I tried pulling myself together. Della was definitely my Hero. Until that moment, I thought that I’d done quite well, but my confidence took a bit of knocking that day …….
PARTY TIME – 3rd April
Our good friends, John and Anisa, had bought a villa and it was to be their “house-warming” afternoon party. Colin and I initially had doubted I would be well enough to go, but I really had been looking forward to it. John is English and Anisa from Indonesia. The food was to be Indonesian, drinks from the bar (they built in the garden) and live music from Dennis, a mutual friend and local musician. No way would I miss that!
Got Ready Alone for the First Time – A Right Fiasco!: As Della had the day off, Colin left me to my own devices to get ready. I knew it would take me ages, so I began to get ready more than a couple of hours ahead. In the shower on my own for the first time had been a bit scary. When I tentatively made my way back to the bedroom, in a damp state, I inched along a wet floor that made me really nervous. I felt thankful to get to my dressing table stool in one piece. Della had always dried my hair, so I was forced with tackling it that task on my own. Blow drying hadn’t been too much of a problem as I was able to hold the dryer with my good hand. However, the business of styling my hair was a different matter. I wasn’t able to hold the dryer in my good hand, while I tried to style and curl the ends of my hair with my brush in my bad hand at the same time. I developed a new technique, when I placed the dryer on it’s side on the dressing table top to blow on my hair. I bent my head down and tried to style with my good hand. Definitely not recommended unless, like me, you became really desperate. I ended up with neck ache, sore fingers and fuzzy dry hair! Not a pretty sight, but never mind, at least I had a go ….
Tying My Laces: I later fumbled with my good hand to put on my makeup. It took me several attempts with the liquid eyeliner which before I had to make do with the final result. I wasn’t happy but I got there eventually. It took me an age but, if that that hadn’t been bad enough, I had to build up the determination to do battle with my clothes. That a task took me, even longer to tackle!
Just as I thought things had come together, I made the bad decision to discard my slip on shoes for lace up pumps. Although I’d limited movement with my bad fingers, if I moved the rest of my bad arm around, to make it less difficult. As I couldn’t move it properly, I had to move it in place with my good hand. When I tried to tie my laces, it became a real ordeal because I wasn’t able to maintain any grip with my left hand fingers, to grip and tie a bow properly. It was like one of those mechanical arms in an amusement arcade that you had to operate to grip the toys below, but miserably failed. It took me a while to get ready, and I heard Colin shout up the stairs to ask if I was OK. No I flipping well wasn´t! I answered that I wouldn’t be long, and he then asked if I needed any help. My inner voice wanted to scream out with frustration, but all I could do was proudly say, “I’m alright, I won’t be much longer. Sorry”, as I broke out into a sweat to fight with the laces for the umpteenth time. I realised that I’d been hard headed, however, I wanted to show that I was able to manage to get ready all by myself. Even if it had taken me forever in the end! When I was eventually ready, Colin told me that he thought I had flushed myself down the toilet because I took so long. I was too proud to admit to the “comedy of errors” upstairs. I knew that he would have scolded me for not calling out for help.
The House Warming Party: Colin made sure he parked the car close to the entrance gate. We followed the sound of music, as we slowly made our way via the side path to the back garden where the party was held, while I desperately gripped his arm for balance. Colin guided me to sit at a table on the terrace with some familiar faces, where I was able to take a deep breathe, relax and look around to say hello properly to everyone. I hadn’t moved from that place, but Colin checked on me several times, while he socialised from one cluster of people to another around the garden / terrace areas. He’d been considerate, made sure I had a drink and would ensure that I hadn’t been left sitting alone as people moved around. There was a lively and vibrant atmosphere with an eclectic mix of different nationalities, mostly British, and Anisa’s Indonesian girlfriends.
Nice Mix of Food, Friends and Dancing: It became time for guests to help themselves to the delicious array of Indonesian food, which had a displayed buffet style, inside in the kitchen. Colin and others kindly offered to plate something up for me but I had wanted to go and choose for myself. I cautiously made my way to their kitchen, while going through the usual movements of grabbing hold of chairs, tables and door frames.
The vision of different dishes was wonderful, as I hadn’t been able to cook and it had been a long while since I had authentic Indonesian cuisine. Anisa was lovely and held my plate, while I chose what yummy bits and pieces to have. She also took my plate back to my seat outside, while I gradually made my own way back to my seat. Colin eventually joined me and we enjoyed the friendly banter around our table for a while. When it was time, Dennis started the live music and people started dancing. Normally I would have joined in. Colin smiled in my direction and affectionately gave me a knowing squeeze of the hand. I told him, “Never mind, maybe next time”. Soon after, it started to get dark, I began to get tired, so we said our thanks and goodbyes as the party continued. It was a good and fun celebration. I believe it had been the longest I’d managed to stay out so far. It definitely was past my usual early bed time, but so worth the effort ………
Lunch Thai Style – 5th April: Our friends, Colin and Mandy, came over briefly from England, so we arranged to meet up with them, John and Anisa in Guadalmina for lunch. As we all love Thai food, we agreed to try out the“Koh Thai” Restaurant, that most of our friends had been raving about.
The place was small and intimate inside but they had an awning on the terrace with much more seating available. Colin and I thought it would be warmer and safer for us to sit inside near the toilet facilities, so I wouldn’t have to struggle too far. It was so lovely to see Colin and Amanda again. They actually had owned our magazine before we bought it from them a few of years ago. Amanda was so helpful via the internet and became my “phone a friend”, whenever I called her for advice in the UK. She kindly offered to be of more help since I became ill. We had a pleasant time with delicious, authentic Thai food. It fast became one of my new favourite restaurants and we all agreed to return some time.
Sunday Lunch: We met up with David and Tracy for Sunday Lunch at La Sala. The place always had a bustling and good atmosphere, lively music and excellent food. Colin and I hadn’t been there in a while, so the four of us thought it would be nice to go.
We’d been friends with the Owners, Ian and Claire (his wife) and family for ages, so we were really proud of them when the La Sala group grew fast into a successful and popular venue over the years. It was nice when we saw some familiar faces, friends and key staff members that day, so we immediately settled in comfortably. I really enjoyed myself but when I moved around the crowd of strangers to get to the toilets, it felt a bit awkward and slightly embarrassing. It was different when I was among friends and people that knew me, but when I picked my way in between other people in the room, it felt pretty daunting. Most individuals basically are kind and considerate, so when I overheard a young girl whisper, “Aawww … Bless her”, as I limped past, I found it difficult to swallow. My pride still hadn’t been ready to accept well-intentioned sympathy yet. It reminded me that I was far from being normal, no matter how much I pretended to myself that I had improved. My physical movements and slurred speech showed the reality of my situation. I felt a bit self-conscious and acted as though I hadn’t heard, while I smiled and hobbled past their group again. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t let that spoil my mood. I had another fun afternoon with Colin and good friends. My third time out within a week! I began to be accused of being a “Party Animal”. Our past week of hectic arrangements had been a complete coincidence, but I had a great week of freedom from the constraints of when I’d been housebound ..….
Please view next page 18 at link “1st Dance, Less Aids & Cooking Efforts”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/first-dance-goodbye-to-hospital-aids-trying-to-cook-and-going-out-more/
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