First Weeks Home - Rebooting Linda

10. Home and a First Few Days Adapting

Home That Night – Wednesday 30th January

The nice paramedic finally unloaded me. It was so lovely to see Colin & Lara’s smiling and welcoming faces. I was wheeled down to our entrance steps and I could see a replica of my hospital bed in our re-arranged lounge. Between Colin, Lara and the paramedic, I was gently transferred to my new bed and then the guy left.

It had taken me a few minutes to adjust to my new floor plan. It was familiar, but not. All sorts of things were changed around to make room for my bed and other equipment. I noticed all sorts of new things, changes of furniture, missing ornaments and my surroundings, but I really hadn’t cared at that point. I was too excited and so very happy to be safe, finally be home, united with Colin and Lara, who obviously had gone to great lengths to make me comfortable.

Beautiful Messages & Gifts: Colin and Lara pointed out various flowers, orchid plants, chocolates and gifts sent from some lovely friends. Lara had wonderfully displayed them for me on the dining table, to the right of me, so I was able to see them from my bed. Colin and Lara took turns to kindly read out well-meaning messages from social media and cards. Although I was incapable of responding, I felt really touched and grateful of how kind people were with their good wishes and support towards them and my family.

My Previous Mad Phone Calls: That night, Colin complained about the umpteen mad, step-by-step phone calls I made to him before. From when he woke up, my last physio session, the crucial MRi (scan) reading, the final release from hospital and my journey home – that poor man! I must have driven him insane, especially as I couldn’t speak properly! However, he eventually told me that, after all the aggravation, he was really glad I finally got home.

First Meal Home: It was fairly late but Colin and Lara went about to make sure I felt comfortable, cosy and warm with a log fire burning in the lounge. They then went into the kitchen to prepare homemade roast vegetable soup for me (from my recipe).

Because of the previous hospital swallow test, I hadn’t been allowed many liquids or solid food but we tried. Their soup version was very welcome and tasty – a change to the previous hospital offerings. What was really embarrassing was that I had to be spoon-fed like an infant again, like in Hospital again. However, I had no choice but to accept each grateful mouthful. I was like a helpless baby. I had to ask if I wanted more, or if I had enough to eat as each spoon was offered. This was difficult to accept and adapt to. I had always been fiestly independent most of my life, so as I was reduced to having others doing things for me, was extremely difficult ….

My Cats Greeting: I was so delighted that my darling cats hadn’t forgotten me. They immediately jumped on my bed – Lucky, the black cat head butted me & wandered to my pillow area. Spooky, the white cat kept nuzzling against me and settled at the bottom of the bed. Such a lovely atmosphere to fall asleep to their joint loud purring noises ….

Diaper Alert

I still had to wear adult diapers, so if I had a lack of control, the diapers had to be changed regularly. It was humiliating, but very necessary. Each time Colin or Lara would make a change, I felt undignified and humiliated, but always said, “thank you”. Inwardly, a part of me felt ashamed for my none independence and inability of control. I felt totally inadequate, as my dignity had gone out the window a long time ago in the hospital, but that was with strangers. With those closer to me, seemed to make me feel even worse.

Colin slept on the sofa at night, refused to leave me in case I needed anything. Apparently, he hadn’t slept in our bed since my attack! While he slept, I had to pat him on the head several times during the night to change my diapers. I had no control over my body and felt awful when I had to wake him in the early hours. He never complained, half asleep, he always changed the diapers and freely offered anything to eat or drink, no matter the time. I felt so low and useless, I told him that he never “signed on” for having to do things like that for me. He stroked my face and held my right hand. His response, both shocked and humbled me, when he said, “don’t you realize, you are my life and I would die for you”. I was so very moved and hadn’t known what to say back apart from, “I love you”. How long would he still feel like that? He could have walked away from me at any time, but chose to stay and care for me. I couldn’t tell you how much I cried that night ……

Friday 1^st February 2019 – New Carer

Colin organised someone to care for me, as I obviously couldn’t help myself. Colin had to go about his normal daily routine. Lara had done a great job of stepping in my shoes to finish the magazine, so it was distribution time. This was a usually busy period for Colin to arrange the first drop off of deliveries. While Colin was out, Lara took over juggling running our house, responded to work related stuff, meeting the new carer, while looking after her 15 month old son, Lucas (Colin’s nephew). Not an easy task in an unfamiliar home and my home office. I think she had done extremely well, especially when she had her own life, home and work to sort out at the same time. I don’t think I’d ever thanked her anywhere near enough.

New Carer: I won’t mention names but, I hadn’t felt a particular warmth or enthusiasm with the new the carer. Our conversation was uncomfortable and I felt that she was rather mechanical and went through the motions of what was asked of her. I felt reluctant to say anything at the time, especially, as Colin had gone to the trouble of get someone for me. However, I hadn’t felt at ease. It boiled down to my necessity at the time, rather than lack of choice in a short time, so I kept quiet.

Bruise on my Leg: I developed a bad looking bruise on my left “dead leg”, as I referred to it. I hadn’t felt anything wrong, so I wasn’t aware of any pain that could have caused it because of my paralysis. The local nurse kindly passed by and informed us that the markings appeared normal. Because I’d been moved around a lot recently, so I might have banged been around a bit, so she wasn’t overly worried. She was lovely and kept asking me how I felt. A pleasant change to be treated with respect directly, instead of discussions that usually happened around or hovered over my head, as if I wasn’t in the room. She made me feel a bit more human.

Really Miffed with Colin

Colin had come home from drinks with the boys, from his usual Friday night ritual. Guess after what he’d been through, I reckoned that he deserved a break. However, during his absence, Lara kindly set up my lap top at my bed so that I could fumble with my mouse with my good hand. I tried to focus on the screen, slowly catch up with messages, emails and watch a little UK TV online through my good eye. When Colin arrived, he wasn’t happy to see me with my computer. I was ordered to rest and relax, he was furious and felt that I was getting back to my same old “work”routine. I argued that I that I was still alert enough and could operate things with my right hand. What was the harm? Colin immediately unplugged my computer! I was really enraged, “NO, NO” was my response. I had no choice or argument in the matter as my laptop got carted away. I was really livid and steaming …….

Not Speaking To Colin Mode: That night, still smarting from the computer incident, I unfortunately realised that I needed my diaper changed again. I certainly decided that I didn’t want to wake Colin, sleeping on the sofa next to me, so I stubbornly opted to slowly edged myself to the bottom of the bed again. Logic told me that I could surely slide off the bed and easily crawl towards the downstairs W. C. However, I had no control of my body and totally slid underneath the bed naked! I had no idea how long I lay on the floor but, as Colin began to stir from his sleep, he heard a pathetic, “help” from me. He was a bit disorientated and it took him a few minutes to discover me in a knotted heap under my bed. “How on earth did you get there?”, he exclaimed. Poor Colin ended up struggling to drag me back on the bed and commence diaper duty. Certainly wasn’t one of my proudest moments .……

Saturday 3^rd February

Meeting the New Carer: We were expecting the new carer to turn up at 10.00 in the morning, as arranged, but she was a “No Show”. Surprise! We weren’t very impressed. The girl never had the courtesy to call or text to let him know why she hadn’t turned up. Colin was annoyed, especially as he made arrangements for work and distribution of our magazine. In desperation, Colin posted a request for a new carer on facebook, as timing became crucial for both our daily routine. Later that day, he told me that an old friend of ours would come around for a chat early evening, but wouldn’t tell me who. I felt a very lack of confidence, as I knew I looked a mess. I hadn’t felt ready for social visits yet, but realised I had to make an effort and smile.

Positive Start: As it had turned out, the visitor was Della, who we’ve known for over a 30 years period. It was a lovely surprise to see her again. Over the past years, Della had been doing hair and nails, then onto massages and learned how to care for people. She was delightful, approachable and open to what we had in mind. As we had known her for so long, the choice was very easy. Della and I had an immediate connection and I trusted her. She said that, although the next day would be Sunday, she could start that day. What a weight off our minds ……

Please view next page 11 at link 2″Settling In and My Birthday“: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/11-settling-in-and-my-birthday/

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11. Settling In and My Birthday

Sunday 3^rd February

Not Good With Babies: I woke up and felt rather disoriented again. I’d forgotten that I was back home. There I lay on my hired hospital bed. I heard Colin pottering around in the kitchen, which was strange to get used to because I would’ve normally been the one up early and in there. I also heard Lara speak softly with Colin about what needed to be done that day and meal plans. All the time, I was aware of Lara’s son, Lucas, making noises and an even bigger clatter whenever he decided to chuck a toy out of his play pen. The toys added to the other assortment of discarded items on our lounge floor. I was never very tolerant with young toddlers, but never thought I’d be in a competition with one for being “the naughty one” in the house!

My New Surroundings: As I spied around the lounge, I knew that things had been arranged to make room for my bed and equipment. However, I hardly recognized the place! The sofas had been re-aligned in such a way so that Colin could sleep next to me and stop Lucas from wandering off to wherever he shouldn’t. I also noticed that quite a few special ornaments had disappeared. They had been hidden or relocated, in case Lucas took a liking to them or came to harms way. At the base of my bed was a wheelchair and stroller. I thought, Colin was being a bit confident in me walking again. I had problems with my bed! With the aid of an electric remote, I was able to get into a sitting position, but discovered my bed stopped working – only to find out Lucas had unplugged me after one of his unsupervised “walk-abouts!” – Grrrrrrr. Anyway, my lounge layout was the least of my problems. I didn’t have the ability to freely get up to put everything back in order again …..

The Morning Ritual: When Colin realized that I woke, he would sweetly bring a glass of water and hand me a toothbrush with paste on it. While I was in hospital, I grew used to someone else cleaning my teeth. Colin reckoned that, as I had a good right hand, it was time I started to clean my own teeth. Colin is was always an unbearable chirpy “morning person”, which I never was. When presented with the toothbrush, I thought that he’d become a bully and gone mad! In fact, he was right. It felt good to have cleaned my teeth for the first time by myself, with real toothpaste, instead of that horrible tasting stuff they gave me in Hospital. God, my breath must have been really fowl! Later I felt the fresh feeling of clean teeth again – it was wonderful.

Bath Time: Lara and Colin, between them started to bed bath me with wet sponges and towels. I was disheartened. Although they meant well, and it was necessary, I felt so embarrassed. They were so very kind and gentle, however, I felt completely useless as they moved around my dead weight body. In order to make these change overs more practical, it was better for me to wear one of Colin’s T-shirts, or sweaters, for ease of getting in and out of them to cover my body. With my bad left arm, my usual smaller tops were too tight and awkward to fit. We tried my tops at first, but my bad arm would become stuck. So we resorted to Colin’s clothes. We hadn’t bothered with the bottom half of me, because of the regular diaper changes. Humiliating as it was, I had to accept that I no longer could do these things for myself.

Della’s First Day

My First Massage Session: Della arrived on time at 10.00 am, as arranged. She was bright, cheery and had a friendly banter with Colin and Lara as they planned my schedule. Della then came to my bed and began to massage my legs. I felt her touch to my right leg, which was soothing and lovely, but I had no response from my left leg. I asked her, with my bad and slow slurry speech, why she had bothered with my left leg, when it was my right one that responded. Apparently it was important to treat both legs and arms equally. Although I felt nothing in my left arm and leg, she wanted to stimulate my “sleeping” muscles and make sure all the limbs were to be treated equally. That made sense to me, but I thought that it was such a pity to have wasted a perfectly good massage on the left side of me, when I wasn’t able to have the benefit of enjoying the experience.

Everyone Got On Well Together: Della was great and I felt comfortable with her. We had plenty of chats to catch up with, she had good hearing and was able to lip-read my clumsy attempts to communicate. She also had a good connection with Lara, as she began to help out in the house with anything that needed to be done, so Lara could have much needed time to herself and Lucas. Everyone had been so kind in adapting to me. I felt awkward every time I felt thirsty, hungry or had to ask for something to be brought to my bed. However, I felt more at ease with the more comfortable atmosphere between Colin, Lara and Della.

My Thoughts of Possibilities: I found myself with thoughts of “if only” moments. “If only” I could sit up properly, get into the wheel chair, go to the downstairs W.C. or go upstairs for a good shower independently. When Della left, I pulled back my sheet and stared at my left big toe. I moved my right toe OK, but staring at my left one wouldn’t make it move! I tried to concentrate really hard but nothing happened. I said to myself, “move, damn it, move!”, but nothing. It was equally the same with my left arm. If I wanted to move my left arm, I had to hold and move it with my right hand. I just thought that I couldn’t envision being able to get back to normal. Was this going to be permanent? Was this going to be my life from now on? No way!

Tuesday 5^th February

Felt Grateful: I was at home almost a week and we all drifted into a comfortable routine. Della fitted in well. She helped out in the house when she could, between when she cared for me. Although I felt my spirits lifted a little, I still wasn’t able to move and was still bedridden. Eventually, I was “allowed” very short, limited periods with my laptop, to directly catch up with emails, posts and social media interaction with friends. I felt a new found freedom.

That night, while Lara and baby went upstairs and Colin fell asleep on the sofa next to me again, I lay there pondering. The next day would be my 59^th Birthday. I was so close to not celebrating it at all ……

6^th February

My Birthday: I woke up to Colin and Lara with their “Happy Birthday” greetings. Normally I would have scuttled around, made a few grumbles about my age and got on with work things. Not this particular year. I really hadn’t cared that I became a year older. All that mattered was that I was able to celebrate it at all. I was astounded by the amount of lovely messages on social media and emails. Also totally surprised by phone calls, the delivery of plants, flowers, chocolates and gifts.

We had a few unexpected visitors, one was Jane who shared the same birth date as me. She and Des (the guy I thought had pretended to be Colin in my coma / dream state), popped in to see me on their way to Cancelada village for a Birthday meal that night. How thoughtful to pop over to not breaking our yearly habit of wishing each other “Happy Birthday”. I was so touched and overwhelmed by the messages & gifts. Really appreciated the fuss and felt spoiled by the ones I love and special friends ……

Please view next page 12 at link “First Sign of Movement”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/first-sign-of-movement-and-feeling-positive/

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12. First Sign of Movement

First Week of February

No Room For Vanity: I loved that I had been so spoiled in the past few days since my Birthday. Such a novelty! I really was so happy with messages and the unexpected visits. I’d never been great in the past, when people suddenly surprisingly dropped by our house. I always liked to be prepared, if I knew folks would be coming over. However, the recent unexpected visits were really lovely. I certainly wasn’t prepared physically, as I always liked to tidy myself up and put on a bit of lipstick. However, all vanity melted away with each visit. I was touched as everyone were so kind, concerned and so encouraging, even though I must have looked like a scarecrow!

Massage Time: Della continued with her massages and exercises on my limbs. To be honest, I still wasn’t too confident, especially as I continued with no feelings on my left side and hadn’t seen any improvement. I frustratingly stared at my dead left arm and leg, and tried to will them to make some sort of movement each day. Although I felt exasperated, there wasn’t any harm if Della carried on. I kept hopeful, while everyone around me continued with their assurances. It wasn’t easy to keep a smile on my face, but what else was there? be grouchy and negative? If there was to be any hope at all, then I had to keep positive, even though it felt like a useless cause at the time.

Home Chef: Colin surprised me by perfecting my fresh roast vegetable soup recipe, and also prepared different coloured “surprise” fruit smoothies each day. I wasn’t sure about his green and purple creations though, but once tasted, I was pleasantly surprised! Everyone else had solid meals while I was still restricted to liquids and blended food, which looked almost like baby food. Not particularly appetizing to look at, but were pretty tasty anyway. I never liked, or had much confidence in, what Colin tried to cook before, so we would have separate different dishes at times. I never imagined that he would have bothered to prepare anything to my liking, but I found that I looked forward more to what he had in store for me. Just to show what a control freak I must have been in “My” kitchen. Colin really never had a say, or much involvement before. He became head “Chef” in our meal plans and I ended being the one waiting to see what was on offer. It was wonderful and refreshing, however, his bossy side crept back with the never ending questions like, “have you taken your pills?”, “have you brushed your teeth?” or “what have you eaten while I was out?” Honestly! How old was I?

10^th February

Unexpected Visitors: We had a lovely visit from Barry and Marie, from my golf club. They successfully organized a social golf society and regular fun golf trips away. Colin and I always enjoyed their golfing group events. It was a really nice surprise to see them. At first, I was really embarrassed that they had to see me in my hospital bed, the state of my hair, no make up and my slurry speech. I wasn’t the Linda that they previously knew, but they and Colin continued talking normally among themselves, as I tried to put up a brave front. What made me giggle, they kindly presented me with their gift of a feathered pink flamingo ornament. Marie said, “this is a typical Linda pressie”. It had was so sweet and lovely of them. As they left, I made a vow to see them when I could get back to playing golf again. Yeah, right! I was sure they sympathetically thought the same.

14^th February Valentine’s Day

My Valentine: Colin presented me with a lovely bouquet of yellow roses for Valentine’s Day. It was so lovely that he remembered my favourite flowers. I thought it was uncanny that I chose yellow roses as my favourite, when I earlier found out that my birth father, Chuck, was originally from Texas. As the song went, “the yellow rose of Texas …..”. Colin always joked that he thought that he had married an “Asian English Rose”, but ended up with a “Texas Cactus” instead. Charming!

My First Shampoo: My daily routine became the same, but every once in a while, I had to have my hair washed. What a performance! I had to be seated in my wheel chair, rolled into the kitchen – while still sitting, I had to bend forward, as Della gently tried to wash and rinse my hair over the kitchen sink. The first few times were a bit of a struggle, funny, but not too successful. However, we managed in the end. I later had to sit in the kitchen area, as Della cut, styled and dried my hair. Then I got wheeled back to my bed in the lounge. The purpose of this exercise was to force me to try and stand, which I always failed miserably, so I ended up in the sitting position in the wheel chair. However, I felt a bit more human after I’d my hair done. I admit, even after all the difficulties and effort, I felt so much better afterwards.

First Sign of Movement

My Big Toe Moved: We always went back to the limb massages and exercises, but this time, I began to see some results. I suddenly moved my left big toe! Della and I became so emotional and excited, we began to cry. I was impatient to show Colin later that night, but was afraid it might have been a fluke and wouldn’t be able to repeat the big toe motion again. He was equally excited, when I’d shown him. Lara was at her home, for a well earned family time, so we let her and my sisters know personally by phone. We hadn’t dared to tell anyone else, so it wouldn’t tempt fate, but I felt really positive that we jumped over a hurdle that day …..

16^th February

More Movement: After some practice, everything began to happen so quickly. The middle finger, of my left hand started to move! I practised daily bed sit ups, which were fairly difficult before, as all I could do was to pull myself up with my good right hand & leg into the sitting position before. Now I actually managed to sit on my own, without help! I began to feed myself, instead of someone spoon feeding me from time to time. I’d shown a slight movement with my left arm and clumsily slowly opened and shut my fingers!

When I thought that it was useless continuing with massages and exercises, I was able to stretch out my bad leg, bend it and awkwardly move it from sided to side by effort and free will! Colin and I were so thrilled. As it was such a big deal in our household. Then, we realised that, it would be hard work for the next stage ahead …….

Please view next page 13 at link “Learning to Walk Again”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/learning-to-walk-again/

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13. Learning to Walk Again

19^th February

Slight Movement: We all were pretty excited and were worked up over the past few days, due to the first movement of my big toe and fingers. I almost lost all faith that I would ever have any movement back. Never the less, here we were celebrating just a very small sign.

Colin and Della told me to continue to concentrate hard. Easier said than done! There were times when I moved my toe and fingers at will, but there were many other times when I just lay there, stared at them to move and nothing happened!

As I showed them some movement before, I felt so frustrated. I thought that if I tried hard and stared long and hard enough, I could get them to move, but had absolutely no response. To be honest, part of me felt that it might have been wishful thinking in my imagination, until suddenly, I had a sign of slight movement. We became excited all over again. It wasn’t much, but believe me, it was more than just anything that gave me hope. Each day became a competition of what new thing would happen.

Our Two Cats: While I was in the hospital, I really missed our two cats. “Spooky” is white with blue eyes, and “Lucky” is black with green eyes. It was always comforting when they jumped onto our bed, as company at night. Both cats lived in our house in mutual animosity, and occasionally hissed and spat at each other. Especially, if one of us gave more attention to the other. In my new circumstances, the cats came to an understanding about where to settle on my hospital bed. “Spooky” fell asleep at the foot of my bed, while “Lucky” ended up on my pillow above my head. It was lovely to hear their familiar and loud purring while I drifted to sleep. I loved to comfort of I my precious pets around again.

My Previous Head Cyst: Colin was the first to notice that the previous ugly cyst on my forehead, from my car boot accident, had suddenly disappeared. Since I had this angry looking thing, which the doctors were reluctant to operate on. Amazingly, it completely disappeared! We were so preoccupied with my homecoming and the last few days of elation, none of us even noticed the change before! Our friend, Doctor Mester, told us that the cyst wasn’t part of the cause of my condition, but my time in the hospital, the drugs and focus on recovery since could have been why it went away. I constantly felt my forehead to check the space where the cyst used to be, and marveled at how it was no longer there. Amazing how things just happen.

Pamper Time: Della decided that it was time for a mega “Pamper session”, which meant that she intended to treat me to a new pamper session, involving a face mask, hair, and nails. I was more than a willing recipient. However, the face mask cream felt cold and went a peculiar green colour. I looked like something out “Shrek”! While I closed my eyes to relax, Della cheekily took a photo. By coincidence, Colin chose to come home, took one look at me and said, “to think I married THAT!” Charming!

20^th February – Back to my Tantrums

My Work Had Been Re-Arranged: Lara returned from Fuengirola with Jake. As our magazine had gone to print and been delivered, it was time that we had to begin the invoicing process to our advertisers. I found this a pretty trying experience. I normally just worked on this task by myself. Unfortunately, this was not as simple as Colin had envisioned. Lara had to move my main computer and laptop to our lounge coffee table so that I could oversee and instruct her on what had to be done. It really hadn’t helped matters that my vision, even with my glasses on, hadn’t improved. I spent the majority of the time, squinting through my right eye again.

I “talked” the poor girl through every stage, which took her time to navigate through my computer, documents and contacts. I was really exasperated because I wasn’t allowed to work on my laptop. I had to lie back patiently in my bed, as she went through each stage, at her own pace. Lara expressed amazement at my mental recall of client details before she had a chance to check on my computer files. I may not have been able to move, but nothing was wrong with my mind! It hadn’t helped my patience, when I saw my normal work output of 35 – 50 invoices per day, reduced down to 10. All that time and effort produce very little results. I wondered if we would ever complete the invoicing at all and I feared for the future of our company.

Distractions: In addition, it also hadn’t helped with the distractions of little Lucas, whenever he screamed and demanded Lara’s attention often. As soon as I felt we got into a flow of working together, Lara would have to break off several times to appease him. I lay back and had to wait until she was ready to resume what we’d been working on. I was totally trapped because I wasn’t allowed to work or allowed to get stressed out.

It seemed that everyone conspired to make sure I wouldn’t have direct access to my office and beloved computers. I wanted the chance to finish the job, even with the only one good hand and 1/2 a brain! That was when I began to refer to Colin as my “Chief Warden”. Lara became his “Deputy” whenever she phoned Colin frequently to check with him about what I was allowed to do, what pills to take and what liquidized food I could have. I was irritated as I felt I’d lost my independence and freedom.

“Be Nice” Attitude: Colin kept telling me to “be nice”. However, there were several times that I had to bite my lip, as I was forced to accept not being in a position to do things for myself any more. I knew everyone had been kind and considerate but it hadn’t put a stop to my strops and sulks. What made the situation worse, little Lucas would disappear with some of the contents of my handbag next to my bed! Everthing was thrown all over the lounge floor! My mood hadn’t improved much, so I knew that I had to work on that …..

21^st February – Became Stir Crazy

Out in the Garden First Time: Della and Colin agreed that, as it was a nice and warm day, it was time I got some fresh air and sun on my face. I’d been indoors for too long.

They got me into the wheelchair, moved furniture around, so that I could be pushed from the lounge, through my downstairs office and out to the back garden. It felt good to be outside, looking at the plants, the cats at play and just to escape from my bed. They were right, I really needed a change of scenery. They had also brought out the stroller to see if I could manage a few steps with it.

I felt really skeptical, as to attempting to walk was a big “ASK”. However, I decided to give it a go but hadn’t gone very far in just one or two paces. My balance was all wrong and when I tried to push the stroller on the grass, it was difficult. It felt really strange to attempt to keep upright. Although I was able to move my right side, my left side was hard to move at will. I kept dragging my left leg, and to be honest, I worked it from my hip. I wasn’t able to grip the stroller handle properly with my bad hand but I kept fumbling and slipping away from the handle. Colin and Della had made sure they were close at hand, in case I fell. Thank goodness for soft grass. I had to sit down several times for a rest period before I tried again. It was mentally and physically exhausting for me, as I hadn’t done so much activity in a while, but we persevered.

24^th February – Few More Steps

During the next few days we had tried to do the same walking exercise indoors. The floor tiles in the lounge made things a lot easier for me to try to push the stroller. It wasn’t much but, I actually managed to do 6 steps forward and 6 steps backward. I can’t tell you how elated I felt. Just a few paces in comparison to being totally bedridden, was liberating. It made me even more determined to work harder.

The Commode: Colin had been out shopping and wheeled in something that looked like a lightweight wheelchair. I felt horrified when he proudly announced that it was a “commode”. He asked me where should he stick it. Della and I dubiously exchanged glances and I said, “Don’t tempt me”. I knew that Colin meant well to make my life easier. However, I was adamant and said, “I’m not using that thing!”. After that, Colin conveniently “parked” it at the bottom of my bed so I could always view it. It seemed that he taunted and teased me. I was so stubborn and determined not to use that offensive thing, over the next few days, I actually managed to drag myself into the wheel chair and wheeled myself to the downstairs W.C. That was the start of me using the diapers less ……..

Please view next page 14 at link “MRI, Solid Food & 1st Baby Steps”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/mri-scan-more-movement-back-on-solid-food-and-first-baby-steps/

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14. MRI, Solid food & 1st Baby Steps

My Mouth and Speech: It was a while since I mentioned my mouth, as I was so preoccupied with the movement of my left leg and arm. I still felt as though I had a swollen tongue inside my mouth. Every time I attempted to move my tongue around inside, it felt very unfamiliar, almost like the mouth belonged to someone else. The inside of my cheeks and swollen tongue constantly got in the way of my teeth, each time I took in my liquidized food or spoke. My voice became more high pitched, which made me speak like a baby with a lisp. Although others told me it sounded “cute”, I tried very hard to sound normal without much success. I was very frustrated while I struggled to talk over the phone, as most people couldn’t make out what I said or went completely blank at their end. It was horrible, so I gave up and always let Colin or Della speak on my behalf, while I made frantic hand and face signals in the background.

26^th February – My MRI Scan in Malaga

Preparations For My Trip: Since leaving the Malaga hospital I had to have an MRI scan to check progress. The appointment was for around 8.00 pm, so I had all day to mentally prepare myself for my first trip out of the house. I must admit that I felt pretty nervous. I had instructions not to eat after 12.00 noon, so Della kindly made me a mushroom omelette in the morning. She and Colin tried to gradually lead me onto solid food. I felt really relieved that I managed to eat most of it and kept it down.

Then came the fiasco of getting me ready in a slip over dress, for ease of access, in case I had to have my diaper changed quickly. In addition, they packed a bag with towels, spare diapers, hospital paperwork and things to keep me warm. With the floral dress, I wore Colin’s socks, sweater and Dad’s old jacket. I must have looked a right sight! When it was time, Colin and Christian loaded the car and also the wheel chair at the back. I struggled by inching myself onto the back seat with a great deal of help. When I thought of the hour long trip ahead of us I was honestly tired and really ready to slip back into bed.

My First Car Journey: Christian never liked to go the quicker motorway route to Malaga, so he chose to drive the more windy, longer, lower road. That seemed fine until my stomach just wasn’t able to handle the umpteen roundabouts, turns, constant stopping and starting at traffic lights. As I was stable at home, the sudden car motions made me feel really sick. Thank goodness for the spare towel they packed, or I could have been sick all over Christian’s nice, clean car! I had to say goodbye to the remnants of my mushroom omelette lunch in the towel, which Colin threw in a bin at the side of the road. I felt really horrible, dizzy and incredibly embarrassed, but both Colin and Christian were very patient and kindly assured me. It felt worse than a normal hangover, so I lay back, and wished we were home. Fortunately, we were nearly in Malaga.

Arrival at the Clinic: It began to get dark by the time we arrived at the clinic. I was put into the wheel chair and it felt like a real trip out. They whizzed me from the car park into an elevator and then up into a smart looking reception area. There were some people already waiting so we settled in to be summoned. I felt OK because I was in the wheel chair while Colin and others tried finding vacant seats. It was the first time I was in public in a wheel chair. I felt aware of the sympathetic looks towards us, while we made ourselves comfortable. I suddenly felt embarrassed all over again.

The MRI Session: The staff were very kind when it came to my turn. Colin wasn’t allowed into the treatment room, but sat outside patiently with my personal belongings and handbag. As before, the machine made a horrible loud racket. Again, I was told to keep still, so I was determined to behave and do as I was told. Unfortunately, when someone ever tells me to keep still, then I had an incredible urge to scratch an itch on my nose and have a sneeze! Not a very comfortable session, especially when they later constantly pricked me with a needle, as they couldn’t find a vein for their dye solution. I was so relieved when it all ended and then it was time to go home.

Everything went well in the car trip back until I again became sick twice only five minutes before we arrived home! Poor Colin and Christian, again they were so patient with me. I felt really angry at my lack of self-control, helplessness and held back my tears of humiliation. I just wanted to go back to bed at this point ……

1^st March – Solid Food At Last

First Time at Solid Food: After so many weeks of blended food, soups & yoghurts, I eventually was introduced to proper solid food! It was wonderful to experience the sensations in my mouth, to fully keep down mild chicken curry, lasagne, pork slices and cheese. Obviously not at the same time though! I found interest in eating again, as I tried different things. One of my previous favourites were seedless grapes. Colin and Lara had me taste a couple, but became alarmed when I nearly choked on one. However, I luckily eventually coughed it up . After that incident, they kindly cut my grapes into quarters until I was able to swallow and handle bigger pieces of food later.

3^rd March – My Cheeky Monkey

I had a nice visit by Ian and Maria, who were our friends since they bought a property in Spain and we played golf together for many years. Although they lived in England, they tried to spend more time here in Spain. They kindly brought me a present of a “Monkey” Mascot for my golf bag. I just had to post on social media about the new Personal Cheeky Monkey for my golf bag. As I constantly referred to Colin as my Cheeky Monkey, I actually named him “Colin” 🙂 Colin wasn’t highly amused about that.

5^th March – More Finger Movement

Colin and Della made me attempt to move more of my fingers. We actually even tried putting my bad hand in a box, with a mirror that reflected my good hand on the outside, while I moved my good hand to trick my brain into making my bad hand to move. Colin had seen this on the internet, so who was I to argue? To tell the truth, I really hated these sessions. I thought them boring and silly but, it worked a few times. My bad hand had actually been sparked to make some movement! Although nothing happened with my arm, the finger movement had actually improved, inspite of my earlier reservations. Hats off to Colin and Della to their experiment.

Game of “Snap”: Della confounded me by the suggestion of a childish card game of “snap”, with the personalised cards from Susan (my sister) and Luke as a Christmas gift. This involved individuals slapping down dealt cards alternately from each hand in turns, when there was a matched pair in the middle of the pile, the first one to shout “snap”, would win the pile of cards on the table. The person with all the cards would be the winner. Della decided that if I shouted “snap”, I had to use my bad arm to claim and win the pile. It wasn’t fair! Every time I struggled to move that arm to grab the pile of cards, Della was quicker to snatch the pile out of my grasp and always won! Actually it was pretty hilarious as we giggled our way through each game.

8^th March – My First Baby Steps

After many sessions of Della’s massages, I was able to raise and bend my left leg, move it from side to side, while I lay in my bed. It became a problem when I tried to keep my left leg bent upright, while my foot rested on the bed and tried to keep my leg in position there. However, my left leg and foot continually slid down the bed toward my right leg before being able to do many of the exercises.

Next, we tried to work on my efforts to try a few paces outside, with the support of Colin to stop me from falling. Although he tried holding me, I became excited about progressing to possibly walking. I knew I looked rather thin, gaunt and pathetic, but didn’t care. I posted a video clip of when Colin helped me with my first attempt. I called it the “The George and Mildred slow shoe shuffle”. It rained a little, I laughed nervously and took my first tentative steps. I remembered giggling a lot, as Colin carried me upright and told me to keep my head up and leg straight. I giggled, as I told the camera (operated by Della) that he was so Bossy. It was so really lovely when I got great comments and reactions of support from family and our friends. Although I hadn’t seen anyone socially, it made me feel that I had some connection with them and the outside world via internet means.

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15. Exercises, Movement and New Sensations

Daily Routine

Colin Slept Downstairs: Although I’d been out of the hospital for some time, Colin continued to sleep on the sofa downstairs, next to my bed. As I mentioned before, he wanted to make sure that he would be on hand if I woke in the middle of the night, needed my diaper changed, a drink, pills for pain or anything else. It was so considerate of him. I never expected how much he wanted to help. I was very grateful, as it was still impossible for me to move freely.

It certainly couldn’t have been very comfortable or easy for him, but he did it lovingly, sleepily, selflessly and without complaint. At times, he left the TV on at night, in case I wanted to watch anything while he nodded off. The problem was that he sometimes forgot to leave the remote within easy reach for me to change the channels. I knew he had more than enough running around to do and to worry about, so I hadn’t the heart to wake him during those times. However, there had been some times when it was really necessary to wake him as I still had very little control over my bodily functions, so I just hated to disturb his peace in the middle of the night.

Daily Chores: During the past week or so, I often woke to the stirrings of the morning noises of Lara walking upstairs, Lucas crying, doors opening and shutting, and Colin in the shower upstairs. I had no choice but to wait for them all to come downstairs, then we began our usual daily routine. Colin would start with the laundry duty, which meant the washing or hanging clothes up to dry. He then went onto preparing my breakfast of omelette, a smoothie of whatever fruit had been in the fridge, check if I had taken my pills and then made me brush my teeth.

Peppa Pig Torment: Lara would later come down with Lucas. She always placed him in his playpen, in front of the TV. To pacify him, she put on the cartoon programme, “Peppa Pig”. I tell you, if I ever hear the theme tune and the sound of pigs snorting again, I think I would definitely really scream! Talk about daily torture!

Della Helping Out: Colin and Lara (or Della if she arrived early) made sure that I had been bed washed and dressed, always in Colin’s T-shirts and no bottoms, to continue ease of movement of my bad arm and diaper change. It was still humiliating, but it was an essential routine. I hated this stage. Della would usually arrive later, concentrated on my leg and arm exercises, fixed lunch, kindly helped Lara with the care of Lucas and some general house chores, while Colin took over my old duties to ensure work in our company continued. It hadn’t been easy to accept all these caring acts but I was powerless to do anything about it. Nevertheless, I really hated being so useless, but didn’t want to seem ungrateful ………

Passport Renewal

Time For Renewal: I hadn’t realized that my passport was going to expire in May, so I tackled the online application process. This turned out harder and a longer task than expected. I was allowed more limited time on my laptop, but my problem was the difficulty of sorting out my thought process and ability to type with one hand. It took me ages. My head felt heavy and throbbed constantly, almost like wearing a crash helmet two sizes too small. Each time I tried to raise an eyebrow, my head felt even tighter, which made it more difficult to concentrate. My fingers on the good hand, negociated around the keyboard, so I constantly made typing errors, which meant I had to start the process all over several times. It was really exasperating. I knew what had to be done, but my mind and fingers struggled to achieve anything in unison, and my precious time allowed on the computer always ran out. I was too stubborn to let anyone help, no matter how long it took me.

My New Passport Photo: Then there was the problem of my passport photo. I had to have an updated one taken. The instructions stated that I could have one taken in front of a blank wall and attach it to my online application. I hardly looked in the mirror since my attack, so I was afraid to take a peek. When I eventually was forced to look, I saw a gaunt and sad looking face staring back at me. Where had I disappeared to? Who was that reflection? Typical that I looked so awful when having a photo taken of me to last for the next 10 years! Colin told me not to be so sensitive. It was alright for him to say, it wasn’t going to be his passport mug shot!

Make Up Time: I hadn’t worn any make-up for ages, so this job turned out to be a real challenge. I wasn’t able to do my own make-up because my good hand was unsteady, so Della made an attempt at it. I just couldn’t stop giggling because I never had cosmetics applied by anyone else before. We had to stop several times while Della attempted to apply my eyeliner. It hadn’t gone right for ages, so Della threatened to “smack” me if I continued to misbehave and distract her by my giggles. I just couldn’t help the fit of giggles each time that eyeliner closed in towards me. Della had done her best but she was given a bad subject to work with.

Nothing could really improve the awful face that stared back from the mirror, so I decided we had to get on with the photo session. I was made to stand in front of a blank wall, but standing still had been a problem. In the end, I had to be propped up against the wall. The photo had to be taken really quickly while I managed to stay upright for a few seconds before I slid down the wall. The final result had been far from what I liked – I guess the alarmed look on my face had to do. I had to push my ego aside as I accepted the photos and application had to finally be sent off – that thing would have to last for the next 10 yrs.! Oh joy! ……

9^th March – Pretty fingers and Toes

After my battered ego, Della decided it was time I had a “Pamper Session”. She was brave enough to tackle my ugly toes, but she had done a great job. I became the proud Owner of bright pink & glitzy toes . Manicured finger nails too! She also kindly tinted my hair, eyebows & lashes. However, I hadn’t included a photo, as I selfishly didn’t want any comparisons to “Grouch Marx” brows! No offence Della! Hee hee ……

First Date Lunch – 11^th March

First Time Out For Drinks: I took my pretty pink nails to a date outing with my lovely Colin. Our first one in over 9 weeks! It was really great to meet up with some of our friends at one of our favourite bars, the Dog House. It was an apt name as Colin often rang me in the past and say, “I’m in the dog house”. I always replied. “too right!”.

Anyway, Colin had to pack the wheelchair into the back of the car, unpack it and then wheel me into the place. The best area to “park” me was near the entrance by a comfy seating area, to make sure my chair wouldn’t be in the way. To be honest, I felt a bit self-conscious at first, but I had a lovely welcome by the Owners, staff and regular drinking friends. However, I felt very conscious of being at a lower level in the wheel chair and aware of people’s reaction and kind sympathy toward me. As I was stuck in one place, it was nice when someone joined me, sat down or lowered themselves to my face-level for a direct eye-level conversation, while Colin had the freedom to wander around and be sociable.

First Lunch: We later went onto The Robin Hood Pub for Sunday lunch. Poor Colin had to go through the same procedure of the wheel chair and wheeled me inside. Yolanda, one of the owners, had been very kind in settling me in and situated us near the ladies toilet, in the main bar entrance area. Colin had his usual favourite of a full Sunday Roast Lunch, while I picked something that I could cut one handed and eat comfortably with a fork. Oooh, the dessert was wonderful. Yes I made a “Pig” of myself with their rich chocolate cake! However, the guilt soon developed after. I definitely got too used to solid food, regular samplings of Colin’s cooking and knew I had put on weight. I resolved that my diet would have to start the next day! Yeah, right! Hee Hee ……

GENERAL BODY CHANGES & NEW SENSATIONS

My Left Leg: Della made sure that I had regular massages, then we moved onto my bad leg. I had to straighten and bend, lift it upand down, while she tried not to help me. It was awkward and laborious to get my leg to make any movement in the right direction at all! We also worked on trying to bend my left knee more naturally, move it from side to side, which was equally difficult because my foot would not stay in place again, but slide away flat to the right. It annoyed me because it wouldn’t stay still!

My First Independent Steps: I was still dependent on sitting in a wheel chair when I got out of bed. When I first sat down, my left foot would be placed on the foot support, but my leg quivered uncontrollably for a few minutes. The only way to stop it was to hold the leg firmly down with my good right hand. It only happened for a few minutes each time, but it felt really strange. There were times when Colin or Della encouraged me to stand upright and take more steps to improve my balance independently. I was quite excited when I actually managed a couple of steps, but I would stumble and grab hold of an arm for support to stop me from falling.

Each session was really tiring and I rested often. I certainly began to feel old. However, as I eventually managed to do a few more paces, my confidence grew a little more. I wasn’t antwhere near to saying that I could walk. My efforts resembled a small child tottering around when first learning to walk, as demonstrated in my video. Even little Lucas had better balance and could walk better. However, anything for me at that stage was a huge improvement. I really was past caring how I looked. I began to get back towards being mobile again for short sessions.

My Left Arm: Although I was able to slightly move my left hand fingers, my whole arm couldn’t move properly, unless I grasped it with my right hand. I just wasn’t able to move that arm at will, no matter how hard I concentrated. I asked myself several times if I would ever get any where near normal feeling or movement back. I got despondent on occasion, but Colin and Della wouldn’t let me sit and brood about it and often lightened the atmosphere with jokes and teased me. Laughing was a really good tonic for me. Colin had placed a photo of me on a shelf, swinging my golf club, so that I would continually see it on the way to the W.C. Some people might have considered that he was cruel, but I knew that he just tried to “fire” me back to imagine getting back to normal. Mind you, I managed a few choice words when I first saw it there!

Tackling The Stairs: I got to the stage when it was time for me to tackle going up the stairs. I really was determined because my reward would be to reach the top, enter our bathroom and have my first decent shower in months. Della had to hold my bad arm and waist, to give support, as I held the stair rail with my right hand and inched my bad leg up to get onto the step above. It was tough because I wasn’t able to lift my leg high enough and stubbed my toes, as my foot constantly banged against the next step up. I resorted to kicking my leg out to the left, then let it slide across the top of the upper step. It wasn’t a pretty technique, but it helped to get me up eventually. The cats showed their natural curiosity and prowled around to watch. I thought I had done quite well, until they both easily ran up and down, as they overtook me. The show offs!

My First Shower: When I finally reached the top, it felt like another huge hurdle. Della guided me into the bathroom and helped me, as I gingerly moved inside the shower cubicle. Never mind my modesty and embarassment. I was so relieved to get that far.

I had to hang onto to the inside rail to keep balance and stay upright while Della turned the water on. I just didn’t want to move as I felt the warm water fall over my body. Absolutely glorious and heaven. After so many weeks of bed washes, this was such a luxury and I had no desire for it to end. I must have stood under the water for ages, because it began to get cooler and my skin wrinkly. So what! I actually managed to get upstairs for the first time and felt really clean again …… Perhaps eventually sleep upstairs?

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16. Mobile, Pains & Back in Normal Clothes

Practise Makes No Where Near Perfect

More Baby Steps: Since I discovered my new found mobility, I tried even harder to do a few more steps at a time and to improve my balance independently. Afraid my efforts weren’t very good, however, I felt more and more encouraged with every additional baby step though. I was only able to accomplish some more steps than a few days ago, but still lost my balance and ended grabbing Colin or Della to stop me from falling. Although I still had to be in the wheelchair for most of the time, I wanted to prove that I could work towards getting around independently .

I dragged myself from one place to another, by grasping onto walls, pieces of furniture at hand and inch myself along. although it was very awkward, I felt really pleased with myself. In the middle of the night, I actually managed to get from my bed the short distance along the dining room and ended up in the kitchen. It wasn’t easy because I had to grab onto anything stable that kept me upright. I honestly thought that I would fall over, but I reckoned that it served me right for attempting such a thing without supervision. I grew tired when my every move were previously monitored or questioned, so I genuinely wanted to “surprise” Colin and Della that I could move without any help. However, it was a pretty foolish idea!

Midnight Snack Shuffles: I had attacks of the “raving munchies” during the early hours. In order not to disturb Colin’s sleep, I achieved a few sneaky trips on my own. However, he knew, when he eventually found the evidence of my little jaunts from the empty yoghurt bottles, apple cores, cheese wrappers and broken biscuits on the bedside table or in the bed, the following morning. I was royally admonished and told that I was, “a Naughty Girl”. What if I had an accident?”, “What if I had come to harm?”. I never thought of these things. I was so keen to prove that I actually was capable of moving from one place to another under my own steam. If I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t be able to say, “I couldn’t”.

My First Little Jaunt: On my first attempt, I dragged myself from my bed, into the dining room and fumbled my way to the kitchen area. I had to hold onto furniture and walls with my good hand, while I got my balance to eventually reach the kitchen. It was slow, a bit painful and tiring, but when I got there, I felt such a rush. I struggled to stay balanced by hanging onto the kitchen counter with my bad hand, while I opened the fridge door with my good hand. Then I spied the lovely treats inside. Unfortunately, when I worked my way back to bed, it turned out a bit more complicated. I needed my good hand to hang onto whatever was available and my bad left to hold onto my treasures as well as also trying to keep my balance.

At times, I had to resort to cupping a yoghurt drink or treat under my bad arm, while I slowly and gradually made my way back to bed. On a few nights, I tried to hold an apple in my bad hand, but it proved to be very maddening. Sometimes when I got half-way back toward my bed, my hand lost the strength to hold onto the fruit, and it fell onto the floor under the dining table. As it was completely out of reach, I had to turn back and start all over again! On the occasions I was successful, I felt such a sense of achievement as I laid back in bed with satisfaction and knew that I had tasted a bit of freedom and more independence.

Subsequent Sneaky Trips: Nevertheless, although Colin was pleased that I tried, I think I must have really tried his patience on this subject. He said that was acting like a “Naughty Girl” who wouldn’t behave.

When I went to the W.C. at night, I had a problem when sometimes I wasn’t able to make it there in time! This was due to my slowness and lack of body control. It was highly embarrassing, but it reminded me of my limitations and why I had to keep wearing diapers for a bit longer. Sorry, but I just had to keep trying. Colin, the poor man, had no idea if I had gone to sleep, stayed in bed, gone off on a “trek” or would end up injured on the floor again …. He was very patient with my determination ……

Back in Normal Clothes – 17^th March

Although I wasn’t in full control, I became more confident to stop wearing diapers and got back to wearing my normal clothes. I stopped wearing Colin’s baggy T-shirts and actually put on my own knickers, slacks and a top. It felt wonderful to be back into my own clothes and shared that moment on social media with friends. I had some lovely feed back ……

Aches and Pains: I was really happy when I was able to move a bit better, but I began to experience some unexpected horrible side effects. I developed some uncontrollable and painful spasms at night. If I adjusted my sleeping position, my left arm and left leg suddenly froze, stretched out, shake about in a frenzy, almost like a bad attack of cramp. These sessions only lasted a minutes or so, but were not very unpleasant.

Colin was lovely because he continued to stroke me, to sooth the pain away. However, no matter what he had done, nothing stopped the new sensations from taking over during the night. I took painkillers, as the attacks became a regular nightly torment. Apparently, this was a good sign that my muscles had begun to “wake up”, or as Colin had referred to as“rebooting”. It supposedly was a good indication of improvement. I knew it was a positive sign, but I wished that there had been a way to make the pain go away. On some nights, it became so excruciating that I was almost reduced to tears. Whenever Colin & Della saw me grimacing or grinding my teeth, they asked if I was in pain. I confirmed with a “yes” through gritted teeth, or with a silent nod, and they jokingly responded with a “good”. Charming! It was their method of keeping me in fighting mode and stay on track to focus on improving. Nevertheless, I constantly prayed that the agony would end. It never did. Unfortunately, it became a nightly ritual and at odd times during the day as well. ……

Colin My Personal Master Chef: Colin had really excelled himself in the kitchen. He got round to mastering various different soups but his best had been the French onion. He still presented me with a variety of different fruit smoothies each morning. One of my new favourites dishes became grilled fresh salmon steaks. My tastes had definitely changed, as I’d never liked salmon all that much before. I ate his with gusto!

Colin had also noticed my change in eating habits, especially when he witnessed the remnants of apple, bare grape stalks and orange peels from my nightly escapades. I never used to eat so much, let alone fruit before. He became quite pleased when he saw that I ate heartily and more healthy.

Apart from the healthy food, I also unfortunately developed a taste of sweet things like,“Chupa Chups” (flavoured caramel candies, as we called “lollies” in England, or as the Americans called “popscicles”) and chocolate treats. Della treated me to a few times on the side, but I hadn’t cared that I’d gained weight. I enjoyed eating something delicious. I convinced myself that I would worry about it later, when / if I could get back to playing golf and walk the course again. Who was I kidding? However, I considered that I soon had to invest in some “Bridget Jones” knickers, if I carried on eating at that rate.

Sunday Lunch with friends- 24^th March

From left to right – Brian, Colin, Anisa,Me, Shirley,Gill, John and Pete.

I felt a bit “Stir Crazy” at home all the time, so Colin & I arranged to meet our friends for Sunday Lunch at the Robin Hood. I didn’t want to be wheeled in the chair, so I held onto Colin, as we gradually joined everyone at the table. Unfortunately, Colin suffered from a really bad back, so the pair of us must have looked like limping geriatrics to get to the table. I joked that I could have beaten him in a race! Anyway, it was so lovely (without the wheelchair) to be out and have a laugh with friends again. A magician wandered around the tables to entertain diners. Such a good idea and I really enjoyed his tricks. He was so clever and none of us had a clue how he executed them.

Dog House For Drinks: We went onto the Dog house for after lunch drinks. After a while John and Anisa mentioned that they’d constructed a bar in their new garden and invited all of us to go over. Everyone agreed, but Colin declined, as he thought I’d enough excitement for the day. He was right of course. After everyone left, I felt sad that we couldn’t join them. Colin and I would have normally joined the gang, and I felt that I’d deprived him of any fun because of me. I became a bit emotional and he caught me crying. When I explained why, he held my hand, wiped my tears away and told me not to be so silly. However, I still felt that I’d held him back and still hadn’t felt any better when we got home. That was when it had hit me how much our lives had changed. What happened to me was awful, but it had a massive affect on Colin too …..

Social Contact: Although I had been very slow when trying to type on the keyboard, it felt great to have social interaction with friends, have home visits and phone calls. When I spoke on the phone, it turned out frustrating, as I still couldn’t talk properly and had to repeat myself several times.

Laughing: One thing I discovered, I just couldn’t help laughing a lot. I wasn’t sure if it was being thankful for surviving, had another chance or grateful for everything that I found myself not taking things as seriously as I used to. Colin told me what happened to me was “a forced vacation”. He was right. About time I became less stressed, wound down and relaxed a bit more.

Keeping Positive and a Sense of Humour: Whenever I spoke with my sisters on the phone, they marveled how I hadn’t become depressed. How could I? I had everything to fight for and had been given a chance to be a better version of myself from before. I had a hope of improvement, not just physically, but in a lot of other ways. Why wouldn’t I grab the opportunity? I gradually learned how to be more patient, although the impatient side of me crept back at times to annoy me when I had simple tasks to do.

Surprise Visit: I had a surprise visit from a girlfriend. I was “home alone”, in my wheelchair and left to one of the few limited times on my laptop. The door bell rang, but I was in the wheelchair! I shouted out, “I’m coming, to let them know I was at home. I dragged myself off the chair, felt along the wall until I reached the front door. Jayne was shocked. I felt relieved that she hadn’t given up while I’d kept her waiting at the door. I clumsily made my way back to the wheelchair and we had a lovely chat, caught up on news and giggled at my daft attempt to greet her at the door.

Della’s Dad, (name drop alert again) Beaky, phoned one afternoon, so Della passed the mobile to me. Beaky heard that I was improving and getting more movement so, although he was on tour in the UK, he told me that he had a golf tee time the next day at 12.00 noon, challenged me to a game and cheekily offered me 50 shots a hole. I giggled and told him that I would accept. At least I could laugh about it …..

On My Bike – 26^th March: Colin and Della decided to step up my exercises to make me tackle Colin’s cycling machine. I tried to get rid of that thing for years, as he never used and abandoned it in a corner of my office. Every time I attempted to get rid of that unsightly contraption, Colin always stepped in and voiced his objections. I used to sit in the office, stared at it unused, as it gathered dust for so long! Now Colin and Della made me use that detestable machine! I wasn’t impressed ….

I had to be helped onto it and was ordered to start cycling. Not something I relished. The pedals slowly turned but, to be honest, although it looked good, my right foot had done all the work. It took a while to convince me to persevere as it became a regular daily thing for me. Each day Colin and Della would say, “Get on your bike!”, which I grudgingly attempted. However it meant a session of torture for me. I hated that thing but I wouldn’t let you know from my video …..

Surprise “Peek a Boo” Greeting – 30^th March: Since the surprise visit from Jayne, I practiced being out of the wheelchair a bit more. Colin told me off and to slow down. He was right. I ended up slipping and crashing to the ground on a few occasions, with an “I told you so look” from Colin. However, nothing could stop me from trying again, inspite of the several bruises. When Della came to do my nails, I called out to Colin that I would get the door. The poor girl nearly dropped her box of things when I opened the entrance door on my own without the wheelchair. I just wanted to show both Colin & Della that I was capable, even though it took me a bit of time and a pretty awkward effort. I actually had done it in the end!

Please view next page 17 at “Walks, No Wheelchair and Socialising”: https://www.rehttps://www.rebootinglinda.com/outside-walks-no-wheel-chair-party-time-and-more-socialising/

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