19th February
Slight Movement: We all were pretty excited and worked up over the past few days, because of the first movement of my big toe and fingers. I had almost lost all faith that I would ever have any movement back. Never the less, here we were celebrating just a very small sign.
Colin and Della told me to continue to concentrate hard. Easier said than done! There were times when I moved my toe and fingers at will, but there were many other times when I just lay there, stared at them to move and nothing happened!
As I’d shown some movement before, I felt so frustrated. I thought that if I tried hard and stared long and hard enough, I could get them to move, but had absolutely no response. To be honest, part of me felt that it might have been wishful thinking in my imagination, until suddenly, I had a sign of slight movement. We became excited all over again. It wasn’t much, but believe me, it was more than just anything that gave me hope. Each day became a competition of what new thing happened, or how much more I moved.
Our Two Cats: While I was in the hospital, I really missed our two cats. “Spooky” is white with blue eyes, and “Lucky” is black with green eyes. It was always comforting when they jumped onto our bed, as company at night. Both cats lived in our house in mutual animosity, and occasionally hissed and spat at each other. Especially, if one of us gave more attention than the other. In my new circumstances, the cats came to an understanding about where to settle on my hospital bed. “Spooky” fell asleep at the foot of my bed, while “Lucky” ended up on my pillow above my head. It was lovely to hear their familiar and loud purring while I drifted to sleep. I loved that I had my precious pets around again.
My Previous Head Cyst: Colin was the first to notice that the previous ugly cyst on my forehead, from my car boot accident, had suddenly disappeared. Since I had this angry looking thing, which the doctors were reluctant to operate on. Amazingly, it completely disappeared after! We were so preoccupied with my homecoming and the last few days of elation, none of us even noticed the change before! Our friend, Doctor Mester, told us that the cyst wasn’t part of the cause of my condition, but my time in the hospital, the drugs and focus on recovery since could have been why it went away. I constantly felt my forehead to check the space where the cyst used to be, and marveled at how it was no longer there. Amazing how things just happen.
Pamper Time: Della decided that it was time for a mega “Pamper session”, which meant that she intended to treat me to a new pamper session, involving a face mask, hair, and nails. I was more than a willing recipient. However, the face mask cream felt cold and went a peculiar green colour. I looked like something out “Shrek”! While I closed my eyes to relax, Della cheekily took a photo. By coincidence, Colin chose to come home, took one look at me and said, “to think I married THAT!” Charming!
20th February – Back to my Tantrums
My Work Had Been Re-Arranged: Lara returned from Fuengirola with Jake. As our magazine had gone to print and been delivered, it was time that we had to begin the invoicing process to our advertisers. I found this a pretty trying experience. I normally just worked on this task by myself. Unfortunately, this was not as simple as Colin had envisioned. Lara had to move my main computer and laptop to our lounge coffee table so that I could oversee and instruct her on what had to be done. It really hadn’t helped matters that my vision, even with my glasses on, hadn’t improved. I spent the majority of the time, squinting through my right eye.
I “talked” the poor girl through every stage, which took her time to navigate through my computer, documents and contacts. I felt really exasperated because I wasn’t allowed to work on my laptop. I had to lie back patiently in my bed, as she went through each stage, at her own pace. Lara expressed amazement at my mental recall of client details before she had a chance to check on my computer files. I may not have been able to move, but nothing was wrong with my mind! It hadn’t helped my patience, when I saw my normal work output of 35 – 50 invoices per day, reduced down to 10. All that time and effort had been used to produce very little results. I began to wonder if we would ever complete the invoicing at all and I feared for the future of our company.
Distractions: In addition, it also hadn’t helped with the distractions of little Lucas, when he demanded Lara’s attention so often. As soon as I felt we got into a flow of working together, Lara would have to break off several times to appease him. I lay back and had to wait until she was ready to resume what we’d been working on. I felt totally trapped because I wasn’t allowed to work or get stressed out.
It seemed that everyone conspired to make sure I wouldn’t have direct access to my office and beloved computers. I wanted the chance to finish the job, even with the only one good hand. That was when I began to refer to Colin as my “Chief Warden”. Lara became his “Deputy” whenever she phoned Colin frequently to check with him about that if I was allowed to do, what pills to take and what liquidized food I could have. I became irritated as I felt I’d lost my independence and freedom.
“Be Nice” Attitude: Colin kept telling me to “be nice”. However, there were several times that I had to bite my lip, as I was forced to accept not being in a position to do things for myself any more. I knew everyone had been kind and considerate but it hadn’t put a stop to my strops and sulks. What made the situation worse, little Lucas would disappear with some of the contents of my handbag next to my bed! One day, I felt uncomfortable as I wasn’t able to operate my bed to move up, down, forward or back with my remote. We later discovered that Lucas had unplugged my bed during one of his unscheduled walk-abouts! My mood hadn’t improved much, so I knew that I had to work on that …..
21st February – Became Stir Crazy
Out in the Garden First Time: Della and Colin agreed that, as it was a nice and warm day, it was time I got some fresh air and sun on my face. I’d been indoors for too long.
They got me into the wheelchair, moved furniture around, so that I could be pushed from the lounge, through my downstairs office and out to the back garden. It felt good to be outside, looking at the plants, the cats at play and just to escape from my bed. They were right, I really needed a change of scenery. They had also brought out the stroller to see if I could manage a few steps with it. I felt really skeptical as to attempting to walk was a big “ASK”. However, I decided to give it a go but hadn’t gone very far in just one or two paces. My balance was all wrong and when I tried to push the stroller on the grass, it was difficult. It felt really strange to attempt to keep upright. Although I was able to move my right side, my left side was hard to move at will. I kept dragging my left leg, and to be honest, I had really worked it from my hip. I wasn’t able to grip the stroller handle properly with my bad hand but I kept fumbling and slipping away from the handle. Colin and Della had made sure they were close at hand, in case I fell. Thank goodness for soft grass. I had to sit down several times for a rest period before I tried again. It was mentally and physically exhausting for me, as I hadn’t done so much activity in a while, but we persevered.
24th February – Few More Steps
During the next few days we had tried to do the same walking exercise indoors. The floor tiles in the lounge made things a lot easier for me to try to push the stroller. It wasn’t much but, I actually managed to do 6 steps forward and 6 steps backward. I can’t tell you how elated I felt. Just a few paces in comparison to being totally bedridden, had been liberating. It made me even more determined to work harder.
The Commode: Colin had been out shopping and wheeled in something that looked like a lightweight wheelchair. I felt horrified when he proudly announced that it was a “commode”. He asked me where should he stick it. Della and I dubiously exchanged glances and I said, “Don’t tempt me”. I knew that Colin meant well to make my life easier, as I was still in diapers. However, I was adamant and said, “I’m not using that thing!”. After that, Colin conveniently “parked” it at the bottom of my bed so I could always view it. It seemed that he was taunting and teasing me. I was so stubborn and determined not to use that offensive thing, over the next few days, I actually managed to drag myself into the wheel chair and wheeled myself to the downstairs W.C. That was the start of me using the diapers less ……..
Please view next page 14 at link “MRI, Solid Food & 1st Baby Steps”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/mri-scan-more-movement-back-on-solid-food-and-first-baby-steps/
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Your first movement and then first steps gave you a great feeling of accomplishment and setting your goals toward full recovery. Because of your character it’s obvious you would become frustrated at times when you couldn’t do those things you normally did on your computer, but you had to learn those skills all over again and it took time for you to acquire those skills back again. Now look how far you have come since the stroke and the accomplishments you have achieved toward your goal of full recovery in due time, but remember “patience” is a virtue and not always easy to overcome. Love you – Dad
Thank you – I really had to learn how to be more patient. Not being in a position to do things for myself certainly taught me humility and also how kind people can be. I have been very lucky – take care and have a wonderful Christmas & New Year to you both. LINDA xxx