5. In Malaga Hospital – Kidnapped Again!

KIDNAPPED AGAIN!

Goodness, I must have slept a great deal during the first few days in this new place! It must have been the drugs they had pumped into me.

Deep Sleep: When I woke up again, I felt my bed wheeled off by silent and faceless uniforms.  I hadn’t been able to take in much more, as I adjusted to the new visions around me.  Nobody talked, nor attempted to explain the reason for my move. Had I been kidnapped again?  I wasn’t sure if I had been dreaming or not. However, I was convinced that I had been abducted again. It felt so real and I felt panic well up.   If that was the case, I wouldn’t go without a struggle. That was laughter in the background, as I was obvious I incapable of moving!

MRI – Brain Scan: The uniforms placed my head into a kind of “vice-like” device, which restricted any movement of my head. They slid me into an enclosed container.  It felt I had been put into an iron coffin!   It was really frightening and so oppressive.  A horrible loud throbbing noise began, almost like someone had been banging on the walls outside.  Inside, it became more unbearable with the pulsating racket of the machine.  My head felt really heavy, ached, as if it was about to explode.  I began to try to scream, “let me out” and that I wanted to go home but my attempts came out as horrible sounds from me.  I couldn’t shout. I heard an even louder male voice over the noise. It instructed me,” be still” and “stop moving”.  I really had enough by then.  I tried to squirm and scream out, “go to hell”.  The voice sounded alarmed, as it responded, “Be still!” – it was so frustrating.  

I was past caring after a while.  Nothing I could do but endure this horrible experience – I wanted everything to stop, but these awful people ignored my alarm and struggles.   I lay helpless, while I had to tolerate the continued loud throbbing noise in the dark.  It was cruel, awful and I had no idea how long the torment went on for. It seemed like an eternity.   Surely it had to end sometime?  Suddenly, the noise stopped. They rolled me out and released my head restraint.  All I felt was gratitude toward my tormentors and for the welcome silence and release.  Such a relief. However, after a few minutes, my anger and hatred returned. I attempted to wriggle and tried to shout out again, which came out as “ugh!”, while they wheeled me away – I was obviously a difficult patient!

Comfort and Relief: We went through some double doors.  Now what?  Where were they taking me this time?  I was really furious and impatient at this point.  Imagine my surprise when I saw Colin stand up to reach out his hands toward me.  I had no idea who else was there.  All the images merged into shadows again.  All that I cared about was that I had been delivered back into safe hands.  Colin laughed when he saw the panic in my eyes while I tried to sign to him, with my right hand, about my anger and kidnap experience – all I could muster were the words “help” and “kidnap”.  I was pretty puzzled why he found it amusing.  He then explained that I hadn’t been kidnapped at all. I had been taken for an MRI (brain scan), to see how I had progressed since the other hospital.  It took a while for his account to sink in. I realized, with horror, that I had been incredibly rude to these silent and kind strangers!  I felt a wave of embarassment wash over me.  What on earth had the medical staff thought of me?  Especially, my wriggling and angry attitude, but hopefully they understood my aggressive reaction.    During the time of my supposed abduction, Colin and my sisters, had spent a couple of hours arranging for the three of them to stay in a pension (small hotel) close to the hospital. They had been waiting for me to come out from the MRI scan.  I was still in a bit of a daze, but before I could utter any slurred apologies, I thankfully drifted off back into a deep sleep ……

At Night

My Dream: I dreamt that the nurses had shown me a couple of small, deep blue, marble sized prickly looking things.  One nurse told me to be brave, because it was going to hurt.  What was? Next, I felt excruciating pain as they were shoving one of those things up my right nostril.  I screamed.   Eventually the pain relented, but the nurse told me to brace myself again.  No, not again!  It was an awful experience with my left nostril.  I was back to being tortured!  Even though they tried to assure me with, “nearly there” comments, I hated every painful second and tried to beg them to stop.  Thankfully, everything went blank again ….. apparently, I had been fitted with nose tubes during my sleep!

Unexpected Room Mate: My sleep was disturbed by noise to the right side of me.   It was dark, so it must have been pretty late.   It took me a while to realise that I was back in my hospital room.   Although my eyes were half closed, I sensed another bed had been rolled into my room to my right, followed by a number of pretty loud voices in Spanish.  They never lowered their voices in respect of me sleeping. What on earth?  Why do the Spanish sound as if they were arguing?  I heard a curtain being drawn between me and the group.  That gesture hadn’t lessened the noise they made. I began to get grumpy, because these voices continued not to care that it was night time and that I had been sleeping.  Who on earth placed these intruders in my room?  Nobody appeared to be conscious of my distress so I had to endure the conversation of loud whispers until I managed to drift off back to sleep again ………..

Next Day

Visiting Time: I woke up to the comforting, hazy sight of Colin and my sisters, when they entered my room.  Actually, I heard them first, as they came into view.  I recognised them from their voices. Both my eyes were open, but I couldn’t focus properly. Everything around me was in double vision.  I discovered that, if I closed my right eye, I was able to focus better with the left.  I spied 2 drip bags hanging to the left side of my bed. Above me were tubes connected to my left hand, which I had assumed were connected to the bags. I tried to explore with my right hand and found that something was sticking out of my nose.  Apparently, apart from the arm drips, I had also been given 2 nose drips!  Why wasn’t I aware of them before? However, it explained the pain of the blue objects from my previous dream.  I felt weird and uncomfortable, but I was too afraid to pull any of these things out.  However, that wasn’t important, it was wonderful to have familiar faces with me again ……. 

Explanation of my Condition: Colin and sisters had each taken turns to speak with me. Each time, I saw two versions of them. I had no idea which one was real, until I closed my right eye.  It was really strange and quite disorienting. Eventually, I became used to view the world through one eye.  They explained what had happened to me, my coma, my condition, but there would be a possibilty that I could expect to get better.  I just couldn’t absorb all the information at once.  I heard words like “stroke” ( Me?), “serious brain bleed” (what!), “coma” (impossible), “ No Survival chance” (really?), “half-paralysed” (No way!), and “recovery” (how and when?). It was devastating news and I was overwhelmed.  They began to leave. Each said, “see you tomorrow”.  I was alone again, left with my thoughts, as I had little choice but stared up at the ceiling.

My Condition: I lay there and mulled over their words. I was hurt and very downhearted.  The word “stroke”, was a complete shock. How come?  I was only 58 years old! I was sure I hadn’t experienced the usual symptoms associated with that word.  The very word terrified me. As for, “brain bleed”. For goodness sake! What was that?  How come I had one?  The words, “coma”, really got to me.  That explained the previous strange dreams.  I had been surprised to later hear Colin’s version of events that led up to, and since my coma state. The medical staff had told him that my brain bleed had been extremely serious. He was told to prepare for “no chance of survival” at the time when I went into a coma.  The poor man. To hear those words, must have been frightening. 

What Next?

Half Paralysed: The words, “half-paralysed”, came back to me so many times.  I tried to move, so I could prove everyone wrong. However, I just wasn’t able to move my left arm or left leg!  OK, that part was to be true, but I was still in denial.  I lifted my right hand to feel around my face. the right side felt fine and how it should.  With my fingers, I tentatively traced around my nose tubes, and discovered I had no sensations around the left side of my face.  I placed the whole of my hand over my features, and as my fingers went over the left side of my face, I realised it seemed frozen. I felt nothing, as I tried to pinch my left cheek, eyelid, brow and forehead.  Absolutely nothing!  I rechecked the right side of my face again, relieved that it felt normal. It was almost like someone had placed half a mask over the entire left side of my face.  I was terrified but felt a peculiar calm. 

Next, I stared at my left arm. It wouldn’t move when I willed it to .  I moved my right hand to grip and lift the dead left one high above me, then let it go.  My left arm just flopped down like a dead weight.  Why wouldn’t it move?  My right arm operated alright, so why not my left one?  I then pulled back the sheet with my right hand to look at my legs.  My right leg worked normally, as I moved my ankle up and down, curled my toes and then lift the whole leg up.  No problem there.  However, when I tried my left leg, there was no reaction.  I didn’t want to believe it, but it eventually dawned on me, that everything I had been told was true.  I began to hate being me …..

Road to Recovery: It took a long while to sink in later. I had to admit that as I was half paralysed.  The only word of, “recovery“, from my family and doctgave me hope. Surely this situation was temporary?  I laid back, stared up at the ceiling and thought of my lovely golf friend, Margaret.  She was fun, walked the course, gregarious and used to drink a pint of beer after a round of golf.  Unfortunately, she had a very serious attack the previous year, which left her with an active mind, but totally paralysed from the neck down.  Eventually, she had been placed in a nursing home back in the UK.  I could only imagine what anger and frustration that she must have felt, and had to endure since.  As I stared up blankly back at the ceiling above, I made up my mind that I wouldn’t go down the same road.  If there would to be any hope of recovery, I would have to grab it!

Please view next page 5 at Link “Early Hospital Days – Home Truths”: https://www.rebootinglinda.com/early-hospital-days-and-a-few-home-truths/

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